“I’ve spent 40 years with that name” – Scots mum sparks debate after feeling pressured to change name after wedding

A SCOTS mum has sparked a debate after pondering whether she should change her surname to her future husband’s, after growing “protective” of her family name.

The anonymous mum-of-two explained in a post to social media yesterday that she felt sad about losing her surname, reasoning that it had seen her through many life experiences and milestones.

The 40-year-old added that her two young children had already been given her soon-to-be husband’s surname but that she felt “weird” about being encouraged to follow suit after getting hitched.

With her husband also believing she should go through with it because it’s “just what happens”, the bride-to-be, from Edinburgh, has begun a discourse amongst women online.

She wrote in her post: “I get married quite shortly but I’m just struggling to accept changing my surname.

“It’s hard to explain but I just feel so protective of it. It’s my family name.

“I’ve spent 40 years with that name. It’s been with me through good times and bad. It’s me!

“And it just seems weird to change it and become another name. I guess it doesn’t help that we are not close to my fiancé’s but are very close to mine.

“We have two children, under 4, who have my fiancé’s surname. My fiancé thinks I should change my name to his as it’s just what happens.

“I don’t really want to have a different surname to my children. Am I being silly or has anyone else felt the same and if so, what did you do?”

The post has since received dozens of likes and over 470 comments from scores of women sharing their opinions on the tradition.

One person wrote: “Absolutely no way. It makes way more sense to change your kids’ names to include both surnames.

“My kids have both our names because guess what? They are half from me and half from their dad. I carried them, I birthed them, no way am I going to give them just the father’s name.

“We are 50/50 in every other aspect of parenting, why not in this?

“If a woman wants to change her name, then of course that’s totally fine but absolutely nothing and no one can or should make you change it in 2023.

“If it bothers the man so much, then he can take your name.”

Another said: “If you are ever planning to move abroad, it’s much easier to have the same name as your children and your spouse. Just something people don’t ever think of. Take it from a seasoned expat.”

A third commented: “I didn’t change mine. Very happy I kept it. My husband didn’t care one way or the other as it’s my name so my decision.

“People told me it would confuse our kids if we had different surnames. Kids were never confused and completely unbothered.

“They also each have my surname as a middle name. It sounds like you have a preference. Keep your name.”

A fourth added: “I took my ex-husband’s name when we got married and my kids have his surname. I’m now getting married again and I’ll take my husband’s name.

“I went through the turmoil of what name to go by but hey, third time lucky.”

A fifth wrote: “My friend didn’t change her name on marriage. After children, she did notice the minor stress of constantly needing to explain she was mum.

“Which is obvious if it’s the same game. When she felt ready, years later, she did the name change in the context of making it a gift to her family and to reduce her emotional admin burden.”

A final commenter said: “I wish I hadn’t changed my name. I’ve never got used to it and think it’s an outdated system that only marginalises women and their achievements.”

In a final update, the mum wrote: “Thank you so much, everyone. Really interesting to read everyone’s thoughts and experiences. I’ve decided to keep my name.

“The children have my name as a middle name, so we are still linked that way, although we won’t have the same surname. It seems like quite a lot of people have opted for that.”.