SCOTS broadcaster Gordon Smart has told the hilarious story of the “worst job” he ever had, during a sunny summer in his teenage years.
Smart was talking to co-host Martin Compston on their Restless Natives podcast last week when the conversation turned to previous employment.
The radio host told of how he spent one summer in his prime teenage years in Kinross, Perth and Kinross charged with the mundane duty of watering the plants.
He said: “Kinross in bloom, they obviously had quite a lot of hanging baskets – some lovely shrubbery, some nice gardens.”
Smart then tells Compston of how he managed to secure the job for himself, jesting that his height and muscle were just the ticket.
Smart jokes: “What they really needed was a bit of muscle and as a 5’10 teenage boy I was the perfect candidate.
“Imagine my f***ing horror when I turned up at the industrial estate in Kinross to be handed a Ghostbusters style backpack with a pump on the side.
“On a rare hot day in Kinross and this old guy said to me ‘Right son you need to conserve the water, so don’t go daft with the pump.’”
Compston can’t contain his chuckle and says: “F***ing spangleman.”
The former Scottish Sun editor reveals he quickly adapted to his new outfit before querying where he would be driven to before starting his shift.
Smart said: “I said right magic, where are you going to drop me off?”
However, the youth was about to find out the size of the task ahead of him during his summer holidays.
He reveals: “He [the old man] just laughed at me and was like ‘Drop you off?’
“He gave me a map and said ‘That’s your route’ and he said if you run out of water too quickly you have to come back here, refill and then get back out.”
Smart then walks Compston through his unflappable technique for watering plants and revealed how he took a barrage of abuse from mates the whole time.
He continues: “So I was like okay brilliant – I was two skooshes per hanging basket.
“So for every hanging basket there might have been two pumps in a skoosh but there were about 60 beeps of the horn of the cars going ‘You’re a water w****r’.
“‘You p***k’, ‘What are you doing Goggs?’, all that kind of stuff.”
Compston then realises his co-host had picked this job up while still at school and questions whether he truly thought it all through.
The Line of Duty star asks: “Were you still at school?”
Smart says: “I was still at school, it was f***ing humiliating – I got paid I think £6 an hour, which I thought was pretty good.”
The pair then go back and forth as Smart reveals he would do anything for some money as a cash-strapped teen whilst his pal launches a cheeky jibe.
Compston asks: “And at no point you thought this was a f*****g stupid idea?
Smart replies: “Martin, I’d have done anything for money at that stage of my life.”
Celtic-daft Compston hits back: “What’s changed?”
The Restless Natives podcast is named after the cult Scottish film starring Joe Mullaney and Vincent Friell who played Ronnie and Will – the restless natives who rob tourist buses.
Launched in August 2022, the podcast sees Smart and Compston meet on a weekly basis to share hilarious stories from the past, present and future of their careers.
