Deadline at the Fringe are interviewing performers across the month, putting 20 questions to them – both as an artist and as their stage or performance alter ego.
Festival Alter-Ego – Lewis Ironside
Questions answered by company Chairchap Rev. Lewis Ironside both before and after 4 hours of gin drinking.
Lewis Ironside
1. First impressions of our fair city and, why are you here?
“I love Edinburgh. I’m here with my show
S**t-faced Shakespeare for the 7th year running and have been coming to the Fringe with shows since 2005.
“I got married in Edinburgh and, as a Highlander now living ‘in exile’ over in America, love visiting here every year. It’s simply the most beautiful city in the world.”
2. Does your time here bring on joy or dread?
“A hearty mix of both. The fringe is a scary time of year for theatre makers with the chance of failure and financial ruin a real prospect every year.
“That said, it’s also basically xmas for theatre people and a month knees up. Getting to perform in S**t-faced Shakespeare every night is such an amazing high the dread never really wins. Let’s say, joyful dread?”
3. Are you a happy soul or do the occasionally dreich elements make you morose?
“I was born in Caithness so I can handle the occasional dreich bits. It’s the heatwaves I can’t stand.”
4. Where will you visit on your day off and why?
“We perform every day (10:50pm Underbelly Bristo Square, thanks for asking) so there’s no days off for me. The whole cast does have a tradition of heading up Arthur’s Seat to watch the sunrise at the end of the Month. That’s always a bit magical.”
5. Do you ever get jealous of other performers?
“Not really, no.”
6. Did you have a happy childhood?
“Absolutely. It was almost entirely undramatic and boring.”
7. What does success and failure mean to you?
“Success is making people laugh and getting paid for it. Failure is spending all your money to bore a crowd.”
8. Are you superstitious when it comes to performing?
“I used to be when I was younger but not anymore.”
9. What is your biggest fear before going on stage?
“That I’m going to walk out there and the entire cast are accidentally sober (this was an actual anxiety dream from last year.)”
10. What is your favourite saying?
“Lang may yer lum reek!”
11. What is your worst habit?
“I bite my nails constantly.”
12. What do you love/hate about the festival?
“Love the atmosphere of the Royal Mile but hate flyering in the wet.”
13. Tell me about your most passionate embrace.
“No, that’s a secret!”
14. Do you wear knickers under your kilt?
“Nope, genuine highlander here!”
15. Most embarrassing moment?
“Attempting to deliver Shylocks famous “If you p***k us do we not bleed” speech in front of 400 people and against the opposition of a drunken Antonio who isn’t originally in that particular scene.
“He distracted me so much that I fumbled the line and came out with “If you tickle us do we not die” by accident. The drunk noticed and spent the next 5 minutes tearing me to pieces on stage. Mortifying.”
16. Where is your favourite place in the world and why?
“Either Edinburgh or my sofa back in Boston. Very happy to spend time in/on either.”
17. Who would you be if you were not you?
“Ethel Merman or maybe Edward de Vere the 17th Earl of Oxford.”
18. What Scottish delicacies do you enjoy and, do any of them fill you with fear?
“I fear stovies and love cranachan! Scotland has this deeply unfair reputation for greasy food but there’s so much more to taste here.
“I also adore seafood and have fond memories of collecting whole buckets of ‘grundles’ (squat lobster) from the harbor in Oban as a kid.”
19. What is your greatest ambition?
“To perform Shit-faced Shakespeare at the Globe theatre.”
20. How can we bring world peace?
“Assassinate Donald Trump?”
Lewis Ironside (drunk)
1. First impressions of our fair city and, why are you here?
“So f**king great. The Americans don’t do propper chips so this is the best time to get chips. I had to explain to a person last week about what a king rib supper was. They didn’t know!”
2. Does your time here bring on joy or dread?
“I’m not scared of nothing freally tyhis is just a laughf.”
3. Are you a happy soul or do the occasionally dreich elements make you morose?
“Driech? You call this driech tyou soft sothern b***dy lowlanders. Driech soft b*****ds!@?”
4. Where will you visit on your day off and why?
“I’mm going to sack thre show off and go tp teh zoo for a day to spit at the f**king pandas. The stupoide monochromatic b******s. They juts eat the Shoots and fairl to do any breeding what s evern the point of them eh? Stupid bl****y bears.”
5. Do you ever get jealous of other performers?
“The thing about thr fringe si that you can either be jelous ot you can thingk thank f**k ‘im not having to play in a toilet behind the back ofn the bins or in a puddle of somethinng right? RIGHT??”
6. Did you have a happy childhood?
“Iwas six t=right and my brother fo=gtot an Nintendo and he qwas Z s**t little s not fair isitnot. I cried all dtay that year,”
7. What does success and failure mean to you?
“Success is when you get z kingribi supper withouthaving to wait for it and failure is KE nneth Branaghnah… the smuug lipless b*****d.”
8. Are you superstitious when it comes to performing?
“MACBETH1!!!1”
9. What is your biggest fear before going on stage?
“Falling off, the stagee.”
10. What is your favourite saying?
“Up the bumM ,, no babaies!”
11. What is your worst habit?
“I kill peeple …”
12. What do you love/hate about the festival?
“Diid I mention he kingrib sippers cos I both love that tha= and hate the away I fell in the morning afterwards,.”
13. Tell me about your most passionate embrace.
“So it was in a nightclub ins with a gilr with glasses and I’m sure she was nrot nearly s drunkas she claimed to eb.”
14. Do you wear knickers under your kilt?
“Do you ewar s a kilt under your nickers?”
15. Most embarrassing moment?
“I once pooed myself ona train in London./”
16. Where is your favourite place in the world and why?
“Werhtersppons.”
17. Who would you be if you were not you?
“ltiterallyu anyone other than Kenneth bragnhah thwty smug liplees b*****d!”
18. What Scottish delicacies do you enjoy and, do any of them fill you with fear?
“Why ahs this whole interview thing been about kingrib suppers fro f**ksakes. Kindgrubs suppers are just not available anywehere else in the wo rld and its and damn crime!@”
19. What is your greatest ambition?
“Ive not got any ambityorns because I<m increcdiby humble.”
20. How can we bring world peace?
“kill kenneth BRANHGAH!!!!!!”
